White Picket Fence
by Keysuna
Summary: Chapter 18 up! Buffy wanted a normal life, white picket fence and 2.5 kids. But the Slayer inside her reacts to primal power. And lust is much more powerful then love.
1. Buffy

White Picket Fence  
  
~Keysuna  
  
Summary: Buffy wanted a normal life, white picketed fence and 1.5 kids. But the Slayer inside her reacts to primal power. And lust is much more powerful then love.  
  
Timeline: A/U season 6. Everything in Season 5 is the same except Riley stayed and Dawn jumped instead of Buffy. Spike still has a crush on the Slayer, but isn't very vocal about it. Riley and Buffy married, Giles left after Dawn died.  
  
Pairings: B/S, B/R, T/W, X/A  
  
He's making breakfast, and I watch by the bright morning light that filters through the shades. The bacon sizzles on the pan, sending it's aroma into the air and nearly drowning out the scent of his cologne. When the microwave beeps, alerting him that the food is done in it's own high pitched tone, the sound of him humming is silenced. Even if it is only for a moment. If I close my eyes tight, and bring the thick dark liquid in the cup toward my lips, I can fantasize that it's not him coming over to me. Not him setting a plate of food in front of me, or bringing a chair up to be near my presence. I open my eyes to meet his gaze, and smile, lowering the cup. He returns the gesture and I can see him prepare to move into kiss me. I turn toward the food and pick up a fork, beginning to play with it. I feel, rather then hear him slouch back into his chair. Who said hyper active Slayer senses can only be used for demon fighting?  
  
"So you teaching tonight?" I ask nonchalantly, stabbing a piece of egg on my fork.  
  
"Yeah." He watches me eat. "You OK with a solo patrol?"  
  
I finish chewing. "Peachy."  
  
There's a silence that I find uncomfortable, but he doesn't. He's never uncomfortable when he's with me.  
  
"I'm hanging out with Willow today." I tell him as I finish a piece of bread.  
  
He nods. "How's she doing?"  
  
"Good, she and Tara are going to be gone next week, some Wiccan convention."  
  
"There are Wiccan conventions?" He asks, a hint of amusement held in his voice.  
  
I consider the fact, and smile. "News to me too." My eyes wander toward the plate, there's eggs piled on top of a French muffin and three untouched strips of bacon. It's over half of what he cooked for me, and yet I've lost my appetite. The stove clock burns the time in dull green letters; 11:49. "We're meeting up at the Magic Shop at noon, I should get going." I lie to him, and he grins, takes my plate in his grasp and stands. I watch as he dumps it in the sink and starts to clean.  
  
"What time you going to be home tonight?" My words prompt him to glance at me while he tries to scrub away a stubborn piece of food. I remove myself from the seat, and grab a jacket from the hook, sliding it on as he considers my question.  
  
"Nine-ish probably." He's succeeded in cleaning, and now has moved onto placing the dishes in the washer. "You?"  
  
He's braced himself against the sink, watching me. I shrug. "Dunno, depends on how many of the evil undead decide to show."  
  
His eyes have become clouded with thought, he usually doesn't think while he's around me, blood working it's way to other parts of his body. His senses are alive with it, every vein thrumming with the powerful blood coursing it's way through him. Mine doesn't move, doesn't jump at the side of him or acknowledge when his hands are moving across my body. My blood just sits there, unaware of him in me. I start toward the door, not wanting to face him.  
  
"Bye." I say, trying to walk out of sight.  
  
I hear an intake of breath as he starts to say something, and then changes his mind. "Love you Buffy."  
  
The knob twists under my hand and I leave before he has a chance to say more. "Love isn't brains, it's blood." I whisper slowly under my breath, heading down the corridor and burst into the open air of day.  
  
I'm not supposed to meet Willow for another two hours. The world sprawls out in front of me, and I can't seem to find the right place to go. My blood wants a fight, something to tear my mind away from the body that I sleep next to. But demons aren't one for the light and so I'll have to wait until darkness claims the land until I can let my anger inflict pain.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
For some reason I'm at Spikes crypt. Or outside it I should say. Which makes no sense really because when I started walking it had been in no particular direction, and yet here I am. I chalk it up to years of cemetery patrol and push my way through the door. The dim light allows me to make out the shape of him laying on a beaten couch, intent on the words of a paperback. He looks up and meets my eyes, and I slowly let the door shut behind me. I jump at the loud clatter it makes as it closes and he chuckles.  
  
"So what brings about the Slayer?" He asks in a long drawl. It's then that I notice that the words I had echoed earlier about love and blood had been no passage written by a immortal scribe, but the words of a drunken Spike.  
  
My mind scrambles for something to say. "I was wondering if you knew why Angel hadn't come to my wedding." As the words came out I knew they were probably the worse things to have said.  
  
"A little late there aren't we pet? Your wedding was at least six months ago." He moves to stand up, and I back away as the blanket falls to reveal a bare chest. Thankfully a pair of ancient jeans preserved his dignity, though it might just be mine. He gives me a look, and then proceeds to dig. "May I ask why your bringing up old nasties?"  
  
I had been frantic when I didn't get an answer from Angel, and so sent Spike to see what was up. When he returned his words had been that my old lover was to busy to take a trip. "Just wondering." I replied, stepping farther into his home.  
  
"Right then." He's thrown the book on the couch and looks straight at me. "What is it?"  
  
"Nothing." I stammer and silently curse myself. "So, exactly how did Angel respond to you?"  
  
He's looking at me like I'm crazy, and I can't blame him. "Poof seemed happy for you, getting hitched." He shrugs. "Bells a ringing and all, Peaches aint one for that."  
  
I solemnly nod.  
  
"Slayer?" He asks and I can't help but meet his eyes. "You OK?"  
  
"Yeah." I take a shaky breath, and he notices it. "Peachy."  
  
I hate it when he looks at me, and he still is. My finger itch to move toward the stake secured at my waistband, but I stop.  
  
He's walking toward the refrigerator, removing with packet of thick liquid that I can smell from here. It's blood and he flashes to game face to bit into it. "He seemed a bit jealous if you ask me."  
  
It took me a moment to realize he was talking about Angel. "Really?"  
  
He nods and morphs back to his human guise. "Got all broody." His eyes showed thought. "Well more then the usual sense."  
  
And again I nod for nothing lack of anything else. He doesn't notice as he's taking another drink of the dark red liquid.  
  
I stay silent as he finishes, and then throws the packet on the ground. Without a second thought to me he starts down toward the lower level of his crypt. Just as I think he's about to leave me here alone he opens his mouth. "Is there something you wanted Slayer?"  
  
"No, no. Nothing." The words come out fast and scrambled and I cant seem summon the strength to meet the harsh light of day outside.  
  
I hear him sigh loudly, and stalk toward me. My body shivers with each movement and I look down toward the dirt which substitutes for a carpet. I feel his callused hands grip my shoulders, his ice blue eyes trying to meet mine.  
  
"Luv, Buffy, are you all right?" I hate it when his voice is like this. So caring and knowing, not the blood sucking demon that he's supposed to be. The blood sucking demon that I *know* he is.  
  
I allow my gaze to wander to his. I'm sure he hears my heart thunder in my chest. The better part of me tells me to shove him away and leave, but something else is whispering otherwise. I've never been good at trusting anyone, not even myself.  
  
I'm Jekle and Hyde, but without one being evil, or at least, I don't like to think part of me is. My Slayer half isn't in tune with the world around me -- but with the fighting demons and other sorts that aren't even supposed to be in the world -- it's the better half to listen to. Buffy is the part that tells me right from wrong, that reminds when to brush my teeth and tie my shoes. Keeping one of me from the other of me is simple enough, they don't normally clash. Except for that the Slayer lusts for a demon where my human knows I should stay in my species.  
  
"Slayer-" He starts again, but I just can't take it anymore. Just him close makes my blood rush and my head dizzy. The Slayer is taking over, and I don't have the energy to stop it.  
  
My hands go for his neck and I wrap them around it, drawing him in closer to me. He's not protesting and he finishes the movement so that his lips are on mine. I'm relishing in the essence of him, the way his mouth seems to claim me, seems to break me and build me back up before I can realize it. Riley always waited for me to make the first move, but Spike, his tongue is down my throat before I can process the fact that we're kissing. It's almost bruising, this, this. . . thing that were doing. But it feels so much more real. Who knew that kissing a demon, a real demon, would be this intense? Angel suppressed his darkness like I try to do mine, but Spike embraces it with open arms and I have no doubt that he wouldn't mind if my demon joined his.  
  
My Buffy half is surfacing again and the Slayer lets it breath without restraint. I know this is wrong, and as his tongue tries to do battle with mine, I break apart. His eyes look at me, but the human aspect that had leaked through earlier is now replaced with a smug look.  
  
"Slayer." He mummers as though picking up from where I had cut him off before. "That was. . ." His hand goes to his lips as though trying to relive the moment.  
  
My head is shaking, my body is shaking, I'm a mass of quivering nerves as his eyes watch me. "I- I have to go." I don't give myself time to take a few calming breaths before I'm out of his crypt and running through graveyard. And I bless the day that he can't follow me out. 


	2. Spike

A/N I'm not sure if my Spike voice came out to well. Out of every character in Jossverse, Caption Peroxide is by far the hardest to write for, let alone in first person.  
  
She kissed me. She bloody kissed me! The way her body molded to mine, our lips locked in their own sort of battle. . . I'm getting hard just thinking about, just aroused thinking of her as it is. . . but bollocks! If the army boy finds out about it I'll be dust before the sun can claim me.  
  
Thoughts are running rampant in my head as I sit on the beaten chair of my crypt and think. Try to at least, all my mind is focused on at the moment is the feel of her soft hands around my neck and the way her eyes met mine for that brief moment before bringing me into that kiss. . .  
  
Fuck! She's in my thoughts enough as it is, now I'll be dwelling on this one moment for the rest of my unlife. . . That is, 'o course if she doesn't come back for seconds. My lips curl into the beginnings of a smile at that guilty thought. She might of run out on me, but she had a taste, and she enjoyed it. There's apart of me that wants to celebrate, claim the blood of some innocent creature to bury my joy in, but the Slayer wouldn't appreciate if I was to do something like that.  
  
Before the bleeding wedding, before she bound herself to the whelp, she told me she was afraid. Scared of the light, she was. My pet feared that the sun would burn her alive, cause like me, she was meant for darker things. The whole bloody conversation had been her talking, ranting even, but I didn't care. She was confining in me things that even the army boy didn't know, still bloody doesn't.  
  
"Spike." She had said to me as she paced the crypt, hands tight in her pockets and gaze toward her own world.  
  
I didn't respond, less I scare her off, remind her she was talking to a soulless creature.  
  
She continued through the fact I hadn't breathed a word. "Riley asked me to marry him." The Slayer let a moment to pass for that to sink in. Let the fact that I could never have her in my grasp become an absolute. My whole body boiled over at that, every vein coursing life back into me so I could feel the destruction of my self wash over. I was about to force her out into the sun soaked soil of which she had chosen. If she bloody wanted to spend her life with a whelp she had no place here-  
  
"I don't know if it's a good thing." She finished wistfully, taking a seat on the arm chair of which I sat. It took all my self constraint to keep from grabbing and kissing her until she fainted from lack of breath, and as far as self constraint goes, vampires don't have a lot of it. Instead I turned my head to her, and nodded slowly, a brief moment, a split second, I could swear her eyes nearly watered, but in a blink, she was back to the hard exterior of the Slayer.  
  
I'm to guess some of that lust bled through into my eyes, cause she stood up. "I'm afraid of what it'll do to me." She confessed, I suspect to herself more then me. "Being apart of the world like that, being. . . normal. It's what I want, but it's not what the Slayer needs."  
  
That's a bloody revelation if I ever heard one! Most creatures don't acknowledge their duel citizenship to the light and dark, namely a Slayer. I kept my humanity locked to my soulless heart through my turning, while Angelus tossed it to the wind with his first breath of unlife. I'm to bet many demons don't like scrapping for humanity, but we live in their world and it's a safe bet to remember that. A Slayer on the other treads on our small nook of a world, and so is forced to become part of the shadows.  
  
"I told you about the fist Slayer I bagged, correct?" She cringed at the merciless way I had put her ancestors death, but nodded. "She was all Slayer, and was much easier to bleed."  
  
"Forget it Spike." She made a move to leave, but I slide in front of her and cut her off.  
  
I take in a breath before continuing. "The second one, however. She was human. Kid and everything." I cock and grin at her startled look. "No hubby though." The pet hides a shiver. "You can be with the whelp all you like Buffy, but remember, you'll always be called back to the night, to the demons, and you can't drag him along with you."  
  
"So what, your saying I should be with a demon?" She asks, and I can't tell if she's referring to me.  
  
I turn my head to the side to look at her. "All I'm saying pet is that your the Slayer, and you need to know that the only time you'll be content is when your with a demon." I take a shallow, unneeded breath. "Fighting or otherwise."  
  
She looks at me, and I'm sure I look like a fool, my love for her painted so deep in my eyes I can barely make her out. I can see the scowl begin before it appears on her face, and then she's back out toward the light.  
  
It could just be that she doesn't like being so close to a creature that's so dark inside, rather then my lust that drew her away. Now I'm thinking that she's darker then me, letting the primal power of the Slayer become the ruling force. Since the bit died, pet's been all hard and cold and steel, and nothing can get through, not even that boy she married herself to. I'm the only one she'll dump her pain on, she suspects it's a burden, but really I'm the only one who knows her now.  
  
This gets out to her precious scoobies and I'm dust. They know she joined the darkness and she fears she'll never get a glance of light again.  
  
Not speak a word of it I will. Just watch her from a distance until she decides to join me in the shadows.  
  
~~~  
  
"I love Riley." She says without even turning to see me. Her eyes intent on the dark paved road ahead. The Slayer needs a kill to get her anger out, but I'm betting that a fuck would just as well.  
  
I smile at that, she's not pushing me away, she's just stating the facts. "I'm a sucker for blood, don't see me getting any of that." She shoots me a glare and I see her fingers twitch at the stake that in her grasp. My hands go up in a defenseless pose and she again directs her attention toward her surroundings and away from me. Bloody brilliant of me to bring up my bloody past blood sucking, thing being around the Slayer is I say the first thing that pops into my bloody mind.  
  
"Pet." I start again and she's still not turning toward me, but I've got her attention. I'm tiptoeing on the edge of the sun and dark here as I walk in the shadows and until the day disappears completely into the night, I have to be careful. "It's still to bright to be out here hunting, so I'm to expect that that's not what your wandering the cemetery for."  
  
The realization stops her cold, and she whirls around to face me. "Don't be so conceded." She pauses and takes in a breath to continue. That's the best thing about being a vampire, you don't have to breath. Quickly, I take her by the shoulders and shove her into the dark with me, she's not protesting and before she can gather her wits enough to speak, I've got my lips on hers in another kiss.  
  
Bloody hell! How could that poof of a sire walk out on this? She's an inferno against my cold hands and I run each fingertip lightly across her bare arms. I want to be warmer for her, but I think my lack of heat is making is making her even more turned on. Is she. . . oh fuck. She's moving her body closer and I can feel the her mouth make the kiss all the more passionate, all the more intense. . . fuck. . .  
  
Her hips are on their own rhythm to mine as her skin yearns for the hidden depths under my ancient jeans. All I want is to give it to her, give in *to* her, but not here, not while the sun can watch us in it's last stages of death.  
  
Her fiery touch is moving underneath my shirt and she lays one palm face open along my chest. It feels like the sun is burning me to the core, and I feel alive for the first time in centuries.  
  
The only time she stops is to come up for breath, and every time I fear that she'll regain her senses and run off. So I force her along the shadowed path back to my crypt. If I can just bloody show her how good it can be, how I can weave her darkness around my own and bathe in her light. I can take the insecurities that a soul brings from her if she wants, let her see what it's like to fuck with the night. Or I can banish the Slayer and lay it to rest with my demon.  
  
And we can make love. 


	3. Riley

I walk into the apartment to the echoes of the phone. Dropping my bag and picking up the phone in one sold movement, I take in a breath.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey, Riley?"  
  
"Yeah, hi Willow."  
  
"Hey, where's Buffy?"  
  
"Still patrolling I guess, I just got home. Didn't you two get together today?"  
  
"We were supposed to, I guess she got caught up."  
  
"Guess so."  
  
"Well, I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"I'll tell her you called."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Bye."  
  
"Bye."  
  
The dial tone rings in a monotone drone in my ear, and I draw it away slowly to set it back in the cradle. Buffy probably found a nest, or got caught up with some other Slayage deal. Apart of me wants to run back out into the silent facade of night and help her. The other part, the rational part, tells me to shrug myself out of my coat and read the paper. Or something. I have to be normal for the both of us.  
  
Sometimes I fear that she'll get lost. Not in death, but in the kill. She'll become obsessed with the darkness and demons that she won't be able to find herself back to the light, or my arms. Which I know is a selfish thing to say, but I need her. Or maybe I just need her to need me. I'm dependent on her, and she realizes that. The one thing I don't think she realizes though, is that she's never told me she loves me.  
  
At first I thought it was just because of the obvious. That she took for granted that I knew it, that it was as much fact as the sun coming up every day. But if there's one thing I've learned by living on the Hellmouth, it's that the sun doesn't always come up.  
  
There's so many thing I don't know about her. I opened myself up to her like the dawn opens herself to the sky. But she stays closed, and I think that she only allows herself to be seen by the night. Then again, maybe if she showed herself to me, all I'd see is darkness. Her thoughts were beginning to be open to me, but then Dawn died, and she became more dead then the vampires she fights.  
  
Sometimes in the back of my mind, there's a voice that whispers that she only married me because she needed something real in her life, something to fight for. It used to be Dawn, and I guess before that, because Dawn never really existed, that it was her friends. But she lost all of it. While she fought the dark she killed her friends as well. I refused to die off though, and I don't know if I'm a nuisance that won't leave or the light at the end of the tunnel.  
  
I'm being pessimistic and paranoid. I know that.  
  
This side only comes out when I'm left alone with my thoughts. We're married, were together, and I love her.  
  
That thought keeps me going until she comes home.  
  
A/N If your wondering why this is so short, it's because it's supposed to be. 


	4. Buffy

A/N Just a quick warning, this chapter is more explicit then the previous ones, reason the ratings been bumped up.  
  
He's going all sorts of things to me, and all I can think about is that I ditched Willow today. I feel his hand slide up the underside of my thigh, and I hope that she isn't mad at me. Spike tore off my pants a while ago, and made a move to take off his own, but I stopped him by shoving the vampire against the stone wall of the crypt and kissing him hard, redoing the zipper and button of his jeans while I played battle with his tongue.  
  
"Your dripping." His whisper is marking my skin with pinpricks. "So wet Slayer, so ready." The mummer makes me shiver as he takes the hand away to replace it with his tongue. I close my eyes, and wonder how I can make it up to my friend.  
  
Tomorrow maybe. . . no, I have class. Friday should work, but doesn't she have that drama thing?  
  
He's undone his pants again, but there already off and I don't have the energy to stop him from what he wants to claim as his. Not to say I don't know want it, because I do. And god, I open my eyes to see he's more desperate then I am.  
  
He's not as big as he might let on. Not to say that he's inadequate, or even small, but he's nothing compared to Angel.  
  
Don't think of that! I mentally scold myself. He pulls back to watch me with his eyes, waiting for a reaction. I smile and he lazily licks my clit with one drawn out motion. My body is reacting with one large spasm, but he's already moved onto other things. He wants my pleasure to come from his dick, not his tongue.  
  
He's laying me on the bed, soft silk on my back and rough hands mapping out my stomach. It's the hard, cold touch that's sending me over the edge. Riley's to warm for me, and I wonder if I'm to warm for Spike. Then again, if I wasn't warm, what would be the difference between me and the shadows?  
  
I don't have time to ponder that as he's asking me silently with his eyes if I'm ready. Ready to have a demon in me, to let the darkness claim my soul until it's smothered. Allow my ethics to fall between the cracks of the day and night, to give myself in full to the shadowed essence of the power.  
  
I grab his shaft in my hands before he can realize it. His eyes become wide with the slight pain my fingernails inflict and the heat. I guess the last time he felt warmth there was when he was human. But from what I've gathered, he died a virgin. Technically, so did I.  
  
I close my eyes. Fucking death has always been a high point of my life, but when I've got my self married to humanity it sets in a bit of guilt to the wrong of the it. The beds moving below me, so I guess he's preparing to. . .  
  
FUCK!  
  
It had been way to long since I've had something cold in me.  
  
He starts slow, and I'm screaming inside for him to go faster. I rock my hips to meet his, and he gets the message.  
  
"I'm going to take you for a ride Slayer." He mummers in my ear, ramming into me all the while. "I'm going to make you scream until you can't do anything but repeat my name."  
  
Apart of me wants to smile at that, but more of me is petrified at the thought. Him in me feels better then it should, feels like the world finally made if okay for me to exist, or something like that. But it's wrong, I know that, it's the only fact I can cling onto as he converts me to the dark.  
  
~~~  
  
I'm laying beside him and trying to grasp onto the scrape memory of being with Angel.  
  
Had it been this good?  
  
Angel had touched me like I was goddess, and Riley kisses me like I'm human. Spike fucks me like a demon, like I'm apart of the night and he can wrap me up in the shadows.  
  
I'm not sure if he's wrong.  
  
One arm is draped over my shoulders, and a thumb is drawing invisible marks on my skin. My eyes are to the ceiling, and I can feel his gaze on me.  
  
"I don't love you." I say without even thinking about it. The ministration stops for a brief moment before I continue. "I don't even like you."  
  
The other arm comes down between my legs until it reaches my heat. He plays with the outer folds for effect and then jams two fingers up into me. I gasp into him.  
  
The things is, I hadn't been wet before, and now I can feel my secretions.  
  
"You may not like me Slayer." He whispers as his fingers begin to move inside me. "But you need me."  
  
I moan into his body and my eyes meet his for a brief second. I don't mean to, but I plead for more.  
  
He stops, and slides his fingers out just as orgasm was about to take me. He cocks his head, his eyes the only thing smiling. "Your going to lust after me. I'll be the only thing that satisfies you, the only thing that can make you wet." He takes the two fingers which are sticky with my fluids and brings them to his lips. Sniffing them before licking them clean.  
  
I feel I should be disgusted, but I'm not.  
  
"And you know why that is?" He asks, climbing over me until his dick is at my entrance. I arch my body to meet his out of pure and desperate lust, but he places a hand on my hip and forces me back down.  
  
He kisses me once, and I'm surprised I can keep myself from coming. "It's because you hate me."  
  
He thrusts himself into me, washing me over in orgasm with the realization.  
  
He's right.  
  
~~~  
  
I stumble home under the shafted moonlight from the trees. I didn't patrol tonight and I know that I should at least make a quick sweep, but I'm to tired and I'm not sure I could react swiftly enough to keep myself alive.  
  
I'm so numb with ecstasy that I can't even walk right.  
  
Tonight had been my first experience with S and D. I've been equal partners with everybody else, hell even Parker let ride on top and come with him.  
  
Spike kept my under the whole time, holding my wrists above my head until he fucked me to his orgasm. But when I did come, it had felt indescribably better then anything else.  
  
It reminded me of my time with Angel.  
  
I haven't even thought about Riley and each step brings me closer to him. What am I supposed to tell him?  
  
Hey honey. Oh, where have I been? Spent the night fucking Spike because you can't sate me enough. Don't worry though, I still love you I just can stand the touch of you.  
  
I'm standing outside our apartment and any energy that had returned seemed to leave with a soft caress of the wind.  
  
I'm afraid. More scared then I was when facing the Mayor, Adam, Glory. They had been demons, that I can fight.  
  
This, this is me. I love Riley, but I love him with the my human heart, which is only half my heart. Spike had been correct, as eerily often as that is, I need the demon.  
  
Strike that, I need a vampire. Angel is really what I want. Sometimes I think that just spending the night in his arms would be just as satisfying as sleeping with Riley.  
  
Doesn't matter though, because I can't have him. My option consist of a weak love sick human and a sadistic lust twisted vampire.  
  
Maybe this is why Slayer aren't supposed to have social lives. 


	5. Spike

I'm laying here in a state of perfect happiness, and I finally understand how the Slayer got Peaches soul to up and run. It's pure bleeding bliss this post orgasm numbness and apart of me wishes I had chained her up while she slept so I could take her again and again. But it feels so much better when you've got a partner who's craving it and as carnal as you are about it.  
  
"Hmm." I wonder aloud as I lick my lips to try to reclaim her taste. "Wonder if next time she'll let me tie her up." My lips curl at the thought, kept her under the whole time I did, but if she wanted she could of flipped me over to her mercy. She enjoyed it though, know she did with the cries of pleasure and her squirming which shot new pulses of lust through me.  
  
It's been a long while since I've been with a human. There fun to fuck, hot where were cold and alive when were not. The last one was after Dru left me for that bloody chaos demon, a young virgin girl with black locks of hair and pale skin. Looked like my black goddess she did, considered turning her, but I was in hell because of my ebony princess leaving me and the burden of a childe would of been to much for even a master vampire like myself.  
  
But Buffy. . . she's got the softness of a human and the stamina of a vampire all wrapped into one hell of a creature. She's been repressing her primal callings for so damn that the release had her screaming.  
  
I do hope I didn't scare her off though, from what I've gathered from out little 'tryst' she's not used to the way I handled her. It's not in my bloody nature to allow her to be dominant. It's lesson the first in vampire sex, the elder vampire takes dominant while the childe is there for it's pleasure. It's instinct, not my bloody choice.  
  
I've been at Dru's mercy more then enough times to know the worst side of a knife during bondage. Never put my pet through something like that, but it's not like it hasn't crossed my mind and made me gone hard.  
  
I drape one arm around my head and stretch my self long against the bed. I'm laying bare, trying to recapture every detail of the event.  
  
I run a quick hand through my hair and sigh into the shadows. Still amazed at what happen I am, the fact that she talks to me is reason enough to be content. . . but after last night I'm not sure if I can go on without another taste of her.  
  
The blood is pulsing through me and I need to do something, bloody up a demon poor enough to cross paths with me. I grab my jeans and pull them on, leaving the crypt without bothering with a shirt. If I'm lucky enough to run into the Slayer, the less that are on the better, right?  
  
Fog has devoured the sky, making it near impossible for the stars or moon to break through. If I was a human, I would care. My steps are soundless as the soles of my shoes break onto the damp soil. Takes years of practice for even a vampire to get this graceful.  
  
Ahead of me under the praised light of a street lamp is some sorry ass vamp from Marcus's line. Can smell his blood heritage from here and there's apart of me that smiles. This line is strong, strong enough so the fight ensued will leave me high with the win and my mind distracted from prior activities.  
  
He's feeding on a young thing with cropped brown hair and eyes that already glazed with death. He doesn't hear me as I creep up behind him and turn him around to land a punch in his face. I'll never tire of hearing that crunch.  
  
The girl drops to the ground, but not before I hear her take her last breath and fall into deaths embrace. I can't seem to care as I'm caught up in this bloody fine fight. Were both moving in the art of death and blood and I smile as his features morph to game face.  
  
My stomach is growling from the spilled blood of the dead girl and it's just making my lust grow stronger for the kill. I haven't even given into the urge to change yet and he's already taking cheap shops. He's not as strong as I hoped.  
  
I whip a stake out as I dodge a futile punch and plunge it into his chest, smirking as he falls into dust before me. Wiping the excess off my hands, I lean down to pick up the girl, licking the wound clean before morphing and biting into her to taste the rest of her blood. As I feed, still high from the fight, I realize that this is first time in ages that I've had warm blood and a tight body to sink myself into.  
  
And as the night closes in around me and the blood lends me new strength it dawns on me this is what I've been waiting for, this is the one thing that's been haunting my thoughts and dreams since I got that bloody chip. I've finally got my-  
  
One. Good. Day. 


	6. Riley

I fell asleep waiting for her, and awoke in the midst of the night, hearing her slam the door closed. Without moving I watch her place her coat on the rack, hands shaking from the motion.  
  
"Buffy?" I asked tentatively, throwing the thin blanket off and moving toward her. When her green eyes meet mine I see fear, and that scares me. She fights away my embrace and turns her back on my watching eyes, reigning in the emotion she so carelessly let lose. It would ruin her to let me in and help with her feelings.  
  
Her gaze is back to mine, they're moist with unshed tears. "I'm going to wash up." She tells me plainly and I nod. Without a second thought she makes her way to the joint bathroom and closes the door. Sometimes, when her patrol ends early she'll lead me with her to the shower and we'll help each other strip before drowning under the hot streams of water and passion.  
  
Not tonight though, the water will be cold and she'll only be joined by her tears. I used to try to help with her grief, but even a psychology major can't help her in these states.  
  
When I was still under the impression that I could save her from the shattered pieces of blood that decorated her soul she would just turn on me.  
  
"What do you want from me Riley, what haven't I given you?" She yelled at me in rage one night when the rain pounded against the window, only adding to her anger.  
  
I drew in a steady breath and watched her sweat covered skin glisten in the pale light. "I just want to help Buffy."  
  
I tried to hold her gaze but she had already directed her attention toward the floor. "I can't do this." She said at last and rushed toward our room, but I stood in the doorway, blocking her.  
  
"Tell me what's wrong!" I screamed, wanting to shake her. "You never let me in, I just want to know what's going on!"  
  
The fist came so fast I felt the pain before I realized she'd hit me. It had been a left hook, her specialty, connecting in my cheek and with enough force for the knuckles to bloody my nose.  
  
"I killed my sister!" She was crying her eyes losing the predatory glare they had held. "I let her die, I watched her jump." Her sobs came so hard she could barely make out the words, and I took her into my chest as she turned from Slayer to human before me. Her body shuddered against mine and I watched as my blood and her tears pooled together, cementing our love in death.  
  
I hear the shower turn off and it brings me back to reality. Her frail frame emerges, wearing a pair of plaid pajama pants and white tank top. The wet locks of blonde hair trail down her back, dripping water onto the floor as she moves. Even with her eyes sunken in and her state broken, she's still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.  
  
"You didn't need to wait up for me." She tells me tiredly, coming to sit by my side. I'm surprised, but I keep the emotion inside. I wrap an arm around her and draw her on closer. She smells of vanilla.  
  
"Just wanted to make sure you got home safety." I say quietly. She doesn't me to be sexual, she wants calming. I can do that for her, I can do anything for her.  
  
Tears have formed in her eyes, and for once she lets them come unbidden in my presence. I draw her into my chest, cooing softly in her ear until she's sobbing. "Let it out Buffy, let it all out." My hand is running down her back in a calm gesture.  
  
She shudders and I feel each contraction of the movement. "I don't deserve you." She whispers, finally getting a reign on her tears. "I don't deserve any of this."  
  
"Yes, yes you do." I smile and she watches me with eyes that show something other then the glaze of death. Sometimes I think her spirit feel along with Dawn and it never found it's way back to her.  
  
She starts to cry again, and I hold her tighter. Her murmuring is muffled by the material of my shirt, but she's repeating what she already told me.  
  
We fall asleep this way, and I've never been closer to her in my life. 


	7. Buffy

He probably thinks I was crying about Dawn.  
  
And if he asks, which he won't, that's what I'll tell him.  
  
The fact is, I broke down in front of him. That's a big Buffy don't. I haven't even touched him since that night. . .  
  
Can't think of that, except that it keeps haunting my mind like how he shadows my steps. The touch of his cold fingers running down my skin, the flick of his tongue along my neck, the feel of his cock in me as he brings my body swiftly to orgasm. . .  
  
I haven't come that hard since. . .  
  
Since Angel.  
  
And I didn't know how much I missed it. It's like a drug. The sensation of the fuck, a good fuck, not the warm, calming strokes of a human, the painfully slow orgasm that builds up only to come without release.  
  
Spike took me hard and without relent. He knew I wouldn't break and he used me until I was on the verge of being torn.  
  
I'm not sure who enjoyed the adrenaline rush more.  
  
~~~  
  
My hands are intertwining between his peroxide stained head as he wreaks havoc on my clit. I push him harder toward me and whimper in pleasure as he teases the delicate skin between his blunt teeth.  
  
I refuse to come because he whispered in my ear before he knelt to his knees that he wanted to see how fast he could get me to orgasm. But I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out.  
  
I had arrived at the Magic Box to find Anya helping a customer in her own blunt fashion of telling him that if he didn't buy the product it would be unpatriotic. Sometimes I wonder if she actually ever makes a profit with those types of marketing skills.  
  
Since that night of Buffy degrading (which is it's new name because I refuse to materialize the act in words) I haven't let him enter my mind. The only thing that I've thought of is slaying, school and friends. Even letting snippets of Riley in makes my stomach clench.  
  
I gave a quick nod toward the ex vengeance demon as she forced a green statue of a multi armed god into the bewildered customers hands and disappeared into the back room for some training.  
  
It's always quite in the back room, no matter how much noise is going on outside. It helps when I'm trying to meditate, or when I'm blaring music at it's max to help with the workout. More then anything, this has become my sanctuary, surrounded by unpainted walls and dulled weapons as it's artifacts.  
  
This is the home of the Slayer.  
  
He slipped in while I drowned my thoughts in giving the dummy a good ass kicking. The plastic head kept bobbing back, asking for more while I pummeled it with my fists.  
  
Left hook, jab, right uppercut, follow with a cross punch.  
  
I don't know how long he watched me, but eventually he turned off the radio which was in the middle of hip hop song I had been enjoying. My thoughts had actually been of Xander at the moment, and no, not in the I- think-he's-sexy, but the when-is-he-ever-going-to-marry-Anya way. So when I turned around with a grin on my face, it wasn't for the vampire standing in the doorway.  
  
"What are you doing here?" I asked tersely, watching him with my eyes as my smile fell.  
  
He sauntered closer to me, keeping a careful distance. "Here for the view pet." His lips curled as his gaze wandered along my sweat soaked body. I shivered.  
  
"Get out."  
  
Spike shook his head. "Came her to talk luv, and let me tell you, it's not easy getting from my crypt to this bloody excuse for a magic shop." He let his blue orbs meet my eyes, and drew himself up closer toward me. "You were amazing." His breath whispered, sending shivers through my spine.  
  
"Lock the door." I told him with an air of command. The words came out before I could realize what I had said. Before I could bring myself to kick him out onto the sun soaked cement, he was back in my presence, unbuckling his pants with the safety of knowing the door was locked.  
  
I shook my head and eyed him until he stopped. Didn't move until he redid the zipper.  
  
"What then?" He asked in a sigh. "Want me to get on my knees?"  
  
It was a joke, but it caught my attention. He must of noticed because he cocked an eyebrow and knelt in front of me, his fingers working the buttons on my pants.  
  
~~~  
  
I can't last anymore, and I come into his mouth, shuddering until the intense orgasm passes.  
  
How is it that something I hate so much can make me come so damn hard?  
  
He rocks back on the balls of his feet, his tongue licking up the rest of my essence on his lips. "You held out Slayer."  
  
I smile, hitching my pants back up. "So?"  
  
"So." He growls and is up, clutching my shoulders in one solid movement. "You going to give me a blow, or open those thighs for me to sink into?" It was almost a harsh statement, which he realized and quickly follows up with; "I know you enjoyed the tongue fuck luv, there's more where that came from."  
  
I hit him in the nose quickly and he doubles backwards. My hands smooth out my pants. I can blame the sweat on the workout I was supposedly doing, no one will know the difference.  
  
He's staring at me like I'm a bitch because he gave me one of those earth shattering climax's and I'm not returning the gesture. Should I be? He's a monster, a. . . nothing. The fact that he wants to bring me pleasure isn't my fault, and doesn't mean I need to give back in kind.  
  
God I'm such a bitch.  
  
I move my body up to his before he even fully recovers from the punch, and press my lips to his. He lets out a low animalistic growl and slides his callused hand over my hip.  
  
It's funny how my emotions switch so fast. What I had told myself was that the Slayer wanted Spike, the Slayer needed the darkness to balance out the power. Buffy had nothing to do with it. So when I saw Spike, I became a cold hearted bitch, I became the Slayer.  
  
But now I'm Buffy again, and I feel guilty. He ate me up so damn good I don't think I can allow Riley to go down on me now for fear of disappointment. He's screwed me for life. And I feel guilty, because I'm leaving him without pleasure of his own.  
  
Stupid Buffy, don't feel bad for the evil vampire your kissing. The evil vampire who just tongued you off so damn good. . .  
  
I push him away, so our lips are no longer touching but I'm still close to his eyes.  
  
"I. . . have to go, but tonight, before patrol, I'll stop by."  
  
I say the words out of pity. I'll give him blow job and then lose myself in the fight against evil, tiring my body past exhaustion so that when I stumble home, I won't have the energy to do more then make eye contact with my husband.  
  
He smirks. That evil, sadistic smirk that makes him look like he owns the world. Like he owns me. "After." He states, leaning into whisper to me. "I want to lick the sweat off of your body, I can wait until then." The vampire doesn't give me a chance to protest, just pushes me back lightly, and flashes out of sight.  
  
And the only thought I can get through my head as I let my breath come out ragged, is that I'm a fucking idiot.  
  
A/N I just want you all to know I *hate* how this chapter came out. So if you actually enjoyed it, please let me know because I am not at all pleased with it. But then again, what do I know? I'm the worlds worst critic of my own work. 


	8. Spike

Even if she doesn't come to me tonight, I'm still a happy bastard. Her fluids are like cream, vanilla and strawberry's and the like. She a bleeding goddess, and I've tasted her.  
  
God, I've fucked her.  
  
It still blows my bloody mind that she lets me in. Let's me explore her body and whisper my passion onto the air around her. Our conversations are one sided, but they're better then no conversation at all.  
  
It's a charge, tasting something out of reach. Forbidden fruit and all that. Reminds me of the time after the stupid poof went off and got a soul, leaving his mate, me and mine alone to the hunt.  
  
That blonde bitch had called me up to her room. We were staying in a little town of where we had already scared off the occupants. Sun was up, so we were stuck inside. Dru was playing with one of the virgin girls we had kept around, to occupied with the humans fear to notice my caresses.  
  
So the fact that peaches sire wanted nothing more then a fuck fit my fancies well.  
  
I had always been smitten with the vampire as she stripped in front of me, letting the lace and frill fall to her feet. Don't get me wrong, I had loved Dru will all my unbeating heart, but the way the poof told it, his sire was a bloody fine lay. Though if I so much as looked at her after his taunts, I'd be nursing my limbs for days.  
  
But the stupid mate had gotten his soul restored, so offering his fuck a little cold comfort worked fine for me.  
  
She made me bring her off with my tongue first, then I could take my pleasure any which way. Only problem was, I like it when my women beg me after I finish with them.  
  
The only time Darla spoke was when she was moaning my grandsire's name.  
  
The Slayer knows better then to say his name while I'm bringing her off, let it be my dick, fingers or tongue, she knows that if she so much as breathes his name while I'm in her I won't be gentle.  
  
Damn I love her with everything that's in me, but I would rather not have her then see her in the poofs arms.  
  
Caption Cardboard I can handle, he may hold her, but I own her.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Night had cast it's eye upon the earth for a long while before the Slayer stopped by. Guess she took my kinky thoughts to heart because whatever she had been fighting worked up one hell of a sweat. Her skin glistens in the pale candle light as she walks cautiously into my crypt. She's trying to hide it, but she's bloody exhausted.  
  
"Pet." I mummer, behind her before she can even register my presence. She jumps a little and then settles into me as I put my fingers to work in kneading her back.  
  
She moans as I add pressure to the knot under her shoulder blade. "I. . ." It's an effort for her to say it. "Can we just get this over with, I want to go home."  
  
"You tired luv?" The Slayer's trying to move away, but I keep a firm grip on her as I relax her muscles.  
  
She doesn't say anything, which is as much of an answer as I'm going to get.  
  
I whisper in her ear to wait, and leave her blessed presence to lay a thick blanket on the lid of the stone coffin. Tugging on the edges, making sure there are no gaps of stone left uncovered, I go back to Buffy. Her eye's are half closed out of pure exhaustion.  
  
I bring her over to the makeshift bed and place her on her stomach and I kiss the nape of her neck which is exposed by the low back of her shirt. She moans as I draw back and slowly tug her shirt off, lifting her up to pull it over her head and throw it on the chair. Her skin is now exposed to the air, and I begun to massage her back again.  
  
Her throat betrays her silence as she let's out a growl of pleasure.  
  
I'm bloody sure her nipples are rock hard.  
  
My fingers continue to knead into her back for a few more minutes until I work the knots out. Her eyes are closed in near blissful peace. Slowly, I take my hands away and replace them with my tongue, lapping up the now dried sweat from her skin. She's moaning as I reach the side of her neck. Her writhing body only makes me harder.  
  
I flip her over so I have access to her stomach and breasts. Her eyes are still closed, but there's a smile of pleasure on her lips. My tongue cleans her skin, alternating between licks and kisses on her tits.  
  
She's about to fall into sleep as I reach her collarbone. As bloody fine it would be to have the Slayer asleep in my crypt shirtless, I want it to be *after* she's spent from more then just fighting off the nasties in the dark.  
  
"What tired you out so?" I ask, bringing her out of her half dream like state.  
  
Her eyes open and meet mine for a brief moment, but the they quickly close. For her, if it's just pleasure and not my face, then it's not real, it doesn't count.  
  
I'm planning on changing her ethics one of these days.  
  
"It was three vampires." Her voice was soft as I place a kiss on her eyelids. "And some demon. . . I don't know what kind."  
  
I nod, but it's lost on her.  
  
"Do you mind pet?" I ask as my hands go to the snap and zipper of her pants, hovering over them, waiting for an answer.  
  
She's silent for a moment. "It's what I came here for, right?" She mummers the words as my fingers eagerly slip the jeans off. Leaving her clad in nothing as I strip before her unopened eyes.  
  
Last time I fucked her, last time I brought her release by violence.  
  
This time, I'm going to slide into her and show her that I do love her. That there's more to me then a soulless demon. That I can be more for then that whelp of hers.  
  
And as I run my cold hands up her body, and watch her shiver, I know that she has already realized that.  
  
I may not be what she wants, but I'm all that she needs. 


	9. Riley

Work had gone late. My fault mostly, between attending meetings about the budget cuts in the California school systems, and actually teaching class, I had lost time in grading. I had stayed past normal hours, reading over the students attempts at understanding psychology. Some actually had a grasp on the material, and others were just trying to keep their head out of the water.  
  
It wasn't that I even minded the work, I wouldn't have taken the job if I wasn't partial to this type of labor. I love teaching psychology and next to Buffy it's my favorite thing to be doing. Funny how things change so much, even while I was a TA for Walsh, my lust was to demon hunting, but even that changed once Buffy walked into my life.  
  
I guess what's really getting to me as I scribble comments onto an essay, is that I don't want to leave her alone. Sure, it's not like she's been close, or hell, even nice to me lately, but still, I hate leaving her by herself. Just being there, even if she doesn't need it, makes me feel somewhat needed.  
  
And that's all I ever want from her.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Buffy was sprawled on the couch when I came home, holding a magazine in front of her face. She wasn't reading, just gazing off into empty space. Her golden hair was let lose, sprawling over her shoulders and her smooth skin was shadowed by the faint light cast by a table side lamp.  
  
She's so damn beautiful when she's relaxed.  
  
As I stand there and take her in, I guess her Slayer senses picked up on something because she turned around.  
  
"Riley, hi." She offers me a weak smile and struggles to stand up, but I rush over to her side so she doesn't have to bother.  
  
I look into her eyes and I don't see hate, or regret, or anger. . . just Buffy. "How was your day?"  
  
"Good, better then normal actually." She places her small hand on mine and scoots further onto the couch, giving me room to lay next to her. As I place my arm around her shoulders her lithe body curls into me.  
  
She really is a goddess when she's not to busy being a hero. I love her with more then words can I say, and it's the times like these that make me think that maybe she cares for me too.  
  
Of course, these moments are few and far between but god how I lust for them.  
  
"Riley?" The words almost makes me jump and I quickly regain myself and meet her eyes. She shyly smiles, she must of noticed.  
  
"What do you think of Spike?" It come out almost shameful, like a whisper.  
  
I would by lying if the question didn't surprise me, because it did. "He's. . ." I grasp for something. "an interesting guy."  
  
Her eyes fall toward the magazine that is laying on her thighs, it's opened to an add about lip gloss. "I know this is sort of weird, but with Spike. . . do you think of him as an ally, or. . . just a vampire?"  
  
She seems nervous, and I hug her closer to me. "Why do you ask?" The statement is strange, but this is the first time in a long time where she's not acting superior, so I'll take it for what it is.  
  
Buffy shrugs. "I-I. . . I was just wondering."  
  
"Well." I shift my position so that I can see her better. "He's changed a lot since I've met him as Hostile 17." I pause and watch as her eyes switch from apprehensive to interest, she did smile though when I brought him the old Initiative name. "He's not an animalistic vampire anymore, but he's not looking for repent either." I try to hold her gaze steady. "I don't forget what he is, and without the chip, there's no telling what he would do." And it's not just the chip either, it's the passion he has for Buffy that keeps him from still trying to destroy us all. Not that I'm going to mention any of that as she seems to be satisfied with what I've said.  
  
I watch as she sits up and smiles at me. "Ready for bed?"  
  
I nod and help her up and just as I'm about to lean into kiss her, the phone rings.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
"It's an Iestex demon." Willow announces, and points toward the sketch in the a large book she had been flipping through. "They travel alone and only get together with others to mate-"  
  
"As much as I want to know the sex life of the demon." Buffy said, cutting off her friend. "I really just want to know how kill it."  
  
They shared a smile and the witch scans the page until she came upon the part she was looking for. "Ah, ok, here we are. They're only defenses are claws, and all you have to do to kill it is chop off it's head."  
  
Buffy nodded, and hopped off the table, smoothing out her coat in the process. I watched her quickly run a hand through her hair. Staying glamorous before the fight, yep, that's my Buffy.  
  
Willow and Tara were supposed to be gone by now, but as the witches were leaving class they caught sight of a demon, and so called a spur of the moment scoobie meeting at the Magic Shop.  
  
Anya is sitting in Xander's lap, and I watch as she rubs his back, probably without knowing it. Xander isn't paying attention, to preoccupied with a conversation he's having with Tara that really has nothing to do with the latest demon to pop up.  
  
I'm so envois I'm about to pop. For an ex demon to show more compassion to her significant other then my wife does me. . . it's hard to deal with.  
  
"Buffy, you sure you want to deal with this now?" Willow startles me out of my inward ranting.  
  
We all stare out the window, the suns about to rise, and I doubt the creature will be hunting now. Everyone else seems to share my notice because a plan is made to attack tomorrow. Willow and Tara are the first to excuse themselves, saying that they really need to get a move on to the Wiccan convention.  
  
Anya turns her attention toward Xander once the two lovers leave. "Honey," She says, gathering his attention. "Let's go sex."  
  
Xander groans, but I can tell he's looking forward to it. Biting down the jealousy, me and Buffy leave the shop. There isn't a word exchanged between us as I drive home, whatever had her possessed earlier in the evening to act somewhat loving had disappeared. It's regrettable, but there's nothing I can do about it.  
  
I can only wait. 


	10. Buffy

I allow Spike to take me into a searing kiss. I don't say a word and I he understands from my harsh gaze that he's not to speak either. Quickly and without thought I slide my hands up under his shirt, feeling the cool expanse of muscle that lies underneath.  
  
A low growl erupts from him as my I continue to play with the taught skin. He slides a hand around my waist to pull me closer, and I'm not protesting. Quickly, I tear the shirt off, leaving the garment in two halves as I throw it across the crypt. I brutally attack him with my lips and wrap my arms around his neck.  
  
"I liked that shirt Slayer." He whispers as I pause to take a breath.  
  
"I'll buy you a new one." I mummer back, beginning to nibble on his neck.  
  
His body is reacting to mine as we crash onto the floor, for once I'm on top.  
  
I'm going to be the one with the control tonight. For once, I need to be superior.  
  
It took me a moment to realize that my own blouse had been tossed aside. If it had been ripped in the process, I don't know, and I really don't care either as I'm to preoccupied with the callused hands that are playing with my breasts.  
  
I shrug myself out of my bra and throw it in a corner. It had been expensive and chances are if I had left Spike to take off it, it wouldn't be in one piece when I gathered myself together after we were through.  
  
We were both bare from the waist up now, and the vampire had replaced his fingers with his tongue over my erect nipples. I arch against him as pulses of lust and pleasure drive themselves through me.  
  
I push him away and busy myself with my getting out my jeans. Spike caught on quick enough, and pulled his own pair off.  
  
"Fuck me, please." I gasp lowly. He give me a wicked smile, but his eyes hold confusion.  
  
Foreplay could wait, right now all I wanted was release.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Today had not been a good day.  
  
I had been so relaxed the night before that I fooled Riley into believing that everything was all right. There had even been a brief moment where he leaned into kiss me, and I would've let him too, I was so damned relaxed. The phone rang though.  
  
I'm not sure what it is anymore that I'm sick of. I love Riley, and my passion has always been to the fight against the darkness and evil. But now. . . I'm leaving my husband to fuck a demon, so I'm not sure I can even be considered a savior anymore.  
  
From the Magic Shop, Riley and I had gone off to grab breakfast at Denny's. The meal had been decent, but the conversation. . . not so much.  
  
I had taken the seat opposite him, and after we had ordered I had kept my attention more toward my coffee then his eyes.  
  
"Buffy?" The word he spoke nearly made me spill my drink. I looked up to meet his gaze and gave a small grin, prompting him to go on. "I'll take the night off, I think you'll want backup on this thing."  
  
He was referring to the demon and I inwardly cringed, not because I didn't need the help, because I probably did, but because I didn't want him tagging along. Slaying is my time to unwind, and after high school, I found it was the time I most liked being alone.  
  
"I think I got it." I said, taking another sip of the coffee.  
  
He locked his eyes on mine. "You sure? The way Willow and Tara tell it, this thing won't be easy."  
  
"I said I got it." I let the words come out nonchalant and he didn't have time to argue back as our food arrived.  
  
We never did get around to resolving the issue, driving the conversation to what he must of that would be a lighter note.  
  
"Where's your weeding ring?" He asked almost suddenly after I had picked up my fork to make work on the hashbrowns scattered on my plate.  
  
I inwardly cursed, he really did have me there. After that first night with Spike, I had taken the band off, putting it into the same case I kept Angel's cross. I'm sure there was some poetic justice in that action, but I've never been to good with words.  
  
I scrambled for something to say. "It's hard to fight with it on, I keep it at home." The lie was lame, and he knew it as well as I did.  
  
We finished the meal in silence, and as I bit into my pancakes, I noticed they were cold.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
I had arrived at the cemetery alone that night and relaxed in the shafted moonlight. Ever since that last time with Spike. . . I've just been tense. I'd convinced myself that the vampire was incapable of kindness, but he keeps surprising me.  
  
We fuck, that's all I do with Spike because if I really did with Riley what I do with the demon. . . I would probably break him. But what we did that night was gentle and calming. . . I don't want to use the words 'made love' but I can't think of any other way to explain it.  
  
And the fact that I can get more out of a vampire then I can get out of the man I married myself to just sickens me.  
  
So being around Riley has been stressful, and finding him, along with Xander and Anya was more then I could handle at the moment.  
  
"What are you guys doing here?" I snapped at them. Anya cringed at my tone, yet I couldn't find the energy to care.  
  
"We're here to help." Riley plainly explained.  
  
I took in a sharp intake of breath. "I said I could handle this."  
  
Xander shook his head as though he knew everything that was going on. I love Xander, I really do, but he just talks at the wrongs moments. "Buff, calm down, we're in this together."  
  
I scoffed at him. "Xand, I'm the Slayer, I'm in this alone."  
  
"No your not." Riley countered. It was then I noticed he was decked out in his Initiative uniform. God how I hated that.  
  
"I can see we're not wanted here." Anya said. One of the ex vengeance demons best traits was that she could take a hint. She gave a look toward Xander who didn't share her train of thought. "I'll be leaving then."  
  
Xander gaped after her, but he seemed more intent on talking to me then going after his girlfriend.  
  
Why is it that he always takes Riley side on everything?  
  
"Go home." I said a bit pained and stared at both of them in turn. "Please. I can do this by myself."  
  
Riley shook his head. " Buffy, we want to help."  
  
I noticed Xander was preparing to say something, but a shrill scream cracked the air. Without a second glance toward either of them, I took of running.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
We're laying tangled in the carpet. Our exploits have exhausted us both past being able to work out legs.  
  
"Well Slayer, that was a bloody fantastic display. Bet you never give the soldier boy a go like that." He says it slowly, and even though it could be said as a taunt, the tone keeps it being anything but impassive.  
  
I let my gaze wander toward the carpets designs. "Let's not bring him into this."  
  
His eyes soften, and I look into them and don't feel anything but comfort. That scares me.  
  
"What happened pet?"  
  
I take in an unsteady breath and tell him the days events, stopping at the point where I had run off toward Anya to dig myself deeper under the carpet, I was getting cold.  
  
"I killed the demon, wasn't to hard, and. . . I didn't have the energy to deal with Riley or Xander at that moment."  
  
"So you ran to my crypt." He added in for me and I gave him a pained look as my answer. Spike draws himself closer toward me so he can take me into a lenient embrace.  
  
"Tell me something pet, if you had the choice, would you leave here?"  
  
I don't know how to reply to that. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Well." He says, placing a small kiss on the side of my neck. "I've got a friend that asked me to look over his place for a while." I shoot him a confused look and he explains. "Bloke lives in the city, nice place, but he's got his share of enemies that would trash it in no time."  
  
"So your leaving." I mummer. Really, I should not be feeling bad about this, but I do.  
  
"If you want to join me, your welcome to." My eyes are caught in his as he says that.  
  
It flashes through my mind that I could, fucking in the day and fighting in the night, but I quickly banish that away. "I couldn't leave."  
  
"Why, what's keeping you here?"  
  
Why is he asking this. . .?  
  
I take in another breath that does little to keep my thoughts straight. "I'm married Spike, I cant just leave."  
  
Seemingly giving up defeat, the vampire stretches away from me and yawns.  
  
"I'll think about it." I tell him as his attention drifts off, and he pulls me into a kiss. Whether it's to convince me that I need him, or to just be in contact, I don't know, and I really don't care. 


	11. Riley

I'm a dick.  
  
And trust me, I know that.  
  
Going out there when she specifically told me not to, nearly risking Anya's life. . . I'm surprised she didn't give it to me right there. She should have killed me for what I did.  
  
I guess, in all honesty, I was trying to prove something to her. To prove that even if she didn't need me, I was there for her. And maybe bringing Xander along was the wrong thing to do, but. . . it's been so long since the Scooby Gang has done anything remotely together, I thought she might like it.  
  
Then again, I've always been slightly delusion, caught up in my own fantasy's about how life should have been. It's not that I don't like the way our lives together have gone. There have been those moments, and they used to be in great supply, where I knew everything was the it was supposed to be.  
  
But that look she gave me after killing the demon, before she disappeared into the shadows of the night, that glare that just made me realize that everything I had done was wrong. . . Yeah, Buffy's never been easy to deal with.  
  
I don't know where she is, after the event I went home with Xander and we talked about really nothing. We both knew what should have been the topic of conversation, but neither of us had the courage to bring it up.  
  
She's not home yet, and it's late. A quarter to one, I wonder where she is.  
  
And I know she doesn't want me looking for her.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
I'm half asleep when I hear her come in. She moves with cat like grace and I feel her slide in next to me. Her body curls next to mine, and she places a small kiss on my forehead.  
  
"Riley, Riley, are you awake?" The voice is almost feeble, afraid. Of what scares her I don't know, usually I'm the tentative and cautious one in the relationship.  
  
I expected her to be furious when she arrived home, and yet I'm greeted to something resembling love. "Yeah, Buffy, what's up?" Pulling myself out of sleeps embrace, I squint to make her out in the dark. Her lithe form hidden by shadows, but the dark is her natural element. It's here in the midst of the night that she feels most at home, the sun drenched locks of hair and bright smile are only a facade. This I know all to well.  
  
She wraps her arms behind my neck and brings me into a kiss. It takes me a moment to realize it and I respond eagerly. It's been a long time since she's done something like this and I forgot how much I missed it.  
  
Her lips leave mine before I'm ready, and she slides her hands down my shoulders and across my bare chest. They trail down to the elastic band of my boxers and then they stop.  
  
"Do you want to?" She asks slowly, waiting for me to answer.  
  
"I. . .I. . . Buffy. . ." I'm cursing myself for hesitating. Here I thought she'd never want to talk to me again, and now she wants to have sex? I shake my head to clear it. "Trust me Buff, I do, but. . . shouldn't we talk about what happened today?"  
  
She smiles slightly and licks my neck seductively. To say I'm not reacting to this would be a major understatement.  
  
"I overreacted." Buffy confesses, and positions herself so she's straddling me. Her heat positioned right over my cock, and she's knows I want it. It's so damn obvious. "I want things to be like they were before." Even in the dark I can see her eyes are slightly tearing, or maybe it's just my imagination. "Can we just forget about today, start over?"  
  
I nod slowly at her pleading and I can see something flash through her face, I'm just not sure what it is.  
  
Relief sweeps through me as she pulls off her shirt, and begins to work on my boxers. I never thought she wanted this to work, and yet, she's half way begging me to sleep with her.  
  
I bring her into a passionate kiss and throw out my prior worries.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
I roll off of her, exhausted by what had just occurred. It had been to long since we had been together like that.  
  
"Buffy." I say slowly, her back is against me, but even with the contact, I want to see her face. "Buffy?" I repeat cautiously.  
  
Apprehensively, she turns toward me. I pull my arms around her but make sure I can see her face.  
  
"I-"  
  
"I love you."  
  
She cuts me off as I'm about to say something with those three words. They come out fast, almost pained and it takes me a moment to realize what she's said.  
  
It's the first time she's ever said that.  
  
"I love you too." I tell her, bringing her closer.  
  
She sighs into me. "I know."  
  
Neither of us say anything else.  
  
And for once I fall asleep content. 


	12. Buffy

"Luv, you look tired. I got this covered, go on, sleep."  
  
I meet the vampires iced pupils and nod slowly, trying to make myself comfortable in the seat of his De Soto. We've only been driving for half an hour, but I have no idea in which direction, or where are destination is.  
  
I don't want to know either.  
  
Slowly, I feel one arm wrap around my shoulders as I close my eyes. He holds me tight and I try to block out reality. If I can just focus on the physical, then maybe. . . maybe the guilt won't have time to sink in.  
  
Because I'm afraid I won't be able to bear it.  
  
I think it took leaving Riley to realize how much I loved him. Comparing my passion for him to my lust for Angel seemed almost unfair to him so I tried hard not to even think of my fist love.  
  
What I thought was my only love.  
  
What I had with Angel. . . what I still have with him I guess in a way, was something I didn't think anyone could measure up to. And it wasn't Riley's fault I felt less for him then he did for me. If I had never met Angel, then maybe I would truly love my husband.  
  
I can tell myself that, but the truth is, I've been feeling more for Spike then I have for Riley. It hasn't been love, it will never be love where Spike is concerned. But whatever it is, it's *more*  
  
When I first started to love Riley, I didn't realize it. How could this be love? It felt like a watered down rendition of the emotion, like a Americanized version of an inappropriate anime.  
  
It felt like I was missing something.  
  
The thing I finally realized is, I loved Riley all along. Buffy and Riley, the perfect couple.  
  
But I'm not just Buffy, I'm the Slayer, and the Slayer can't be sated by a human.  
  
This epiphany came to me as I we made love, but I didn't have the words to explain it to him. Not that he would understand anyway.  
  
Reflecting on it now though, I don't think I'd need to tell him. He was never in love with the Slayer. Riley looks at me like I'm Buffy, like I'm human.  
  
It's that fact that the Slayer can't stand.  
  
It's because of that I can't be with him.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
I open my eyes to shadows and streetlights as we race along the highway. Yawning, I straighten up so that I can clearly see the road. It's quite, with cars scattered along the length of the road. I glance at my watch;  
  
3: 49  
  
"We're nearly there pet, hang on." Spike most have noticed I was awake, which doesn't really surprise me, but I hadn't made much noise while I pulled out of sleep. Probably he was paying more attention to me then driving.  
  
Nodding slowly, I let my eyes wander toward the window to where heavy fog sits over the ocean. The waves crash on the beach below, casting spray that high into the air. Illuminated by moonlight, the sea stretches out past sight, it's moving, but it looks solid.  
  
My attention is distracted as we pass a street sign.  
  
Ventura: 312 mi. Santa Barabra: 299 mi. Los Angeles: 7 mi.  
  
"Where are we going?" I ask apprehensively, fidgeting in my seat.  
  
The vampire taps his chipped fingernails on the steering wheel and glances toward me. "LA, that OK pet?"  
  
The City of Lost Angels. . .  
  
"Yeah, yeah, it's fine."  
  
And it is, it's a large city where I can only be the Slayer. If I stay as Buffy, I'm not sure if I'll be able to do this, besides, the Slayer is so much stronger.  
  
As long as I don't want fall into the arms of a fallen Angel, I'll be all right.  
  
I ran away to start over, I found release in the arms of darkness and left the embrace of humanity.  
  
The only thing I want to know now is, will I ever be able to turn back? 


	13. Spike

She drops her bags at the entrance way, not bothering to close the door as I walk in behind her. My pet takes a few apprehensive steps in and doesn't blink as I flip on the light switch.  
  
The blinds are closed and the sun's about to rise.  
  
Her gaze tentatively take in her soundings. That emerald fire in her eyes becoming green orbs of curiosity. The flat is fine enough. Small and compact, we're standing in the living space that connects to a side kitchen. Beyond the one door is a bedroom with a king sized bed.  
  
Plan to get good use out of that once the Slayer decides to speak to me.  
  
Hasn't said a bloody word since I told her where we were going. And that uneasiness doesn't come from walking out on her husband, but being closer to that bloody grandsire of mine.  
  
Suddenly she turns around to face me, something of an epiphany playing in her eyes. "Do you want me?" She speaks with a hushed tone, as though she's treading on the dark side. Which in all fairness she is, but she's not afraid, at least, not anymore.  
  
"Bloody hell yeah." I let an unnecessary breath as her form moves seductively toward me. Her hands come to rest on my hips, thumbs hooked over the jean loops. I feel my erection press painfully against the course material of my pants.  
  
Times like these I fucking despise clothes.  
  
I'm contemplating how fast I can get both garments, hers and mine off before I burst with lust. I need to be in her heat some time soon, but her mouth has come crashing above mine and I stop thinking then.  
  
My borrowed blood is moving swiftly downward.  
  
Her hands move up under my shirt and carefully peel it up over my head. Much more careful then the last time. I return the favor by wrapping my hands up under her back, letting my fingers travel up to play with the clasp of her bra.  
  
She shivers against my cold touch, but she loves it. And that's not just an observation, she's getting wet.  
  
"Pet," I smile greedily as she parts from the kiss to take a breath. Only thing I miss bout Dru, vampires got no need for oxygen. Then again, if she didn't need to gasp for air, then my touch wouldn't drive her this crazy. "I'll give you anything you want, just tell me." I'm holding her tight, or at least trying to but she's pushed back a bit so I can meet her gaze. There's a wicked grin playing on her lips. Her head shakes, and I let my eyes be consumed with lust and want.  
  
"Love ya so much pet, so bleeding much. . ." I mummer as she kneels in front of her me, eyes intent on my jeans buckle.  
  
I give a low chuckle while her fingers free my cock. She's no pro by any means but her hands around my shaft make me want come right there. The only thing stopping me is she's in position to have me in between her lips. Excitement wears off bloody quick though as my pet is fumbling, like she doesn't know what to do with the cock in her hands.  
  
"You done this before luv?"  
  
She looks up suddenly as though I've offended her. "I'm 21, you think I've never given a blow job?"  
  
I shrug. "Then what's keeping ya?"  
  
Her eyes send me a last infuriated look. "Trying to decide if you deserve it Spike." She growls low, but I can know there's that smile under all that Slayer pride.  
  
Just as I'm about to walk he though the bloody procedure out of pure impatience I feel heat surround my dick. Never had a human go down on me like this, always was Dru and as good as she was, it was never this good.  
  
Buffy takes me in slow, letting her tongue slide along the base. A hand comes to caress my balls and I buck against her, which I can tell startles her. I'll believe that she's done this before, but never with anyone but that soldier boy of hers.  
  
I bring a hand down to play with her hair. Love her hair I do, all thick and gold. She likes when I touch it. "Relax your throat pet." It's an effort to get the words out as even without her deepthroating it's still bloody amazing.  
  
She doesn't want to leave what she's started, but I know she wants to say something. And even as much as I'm curios to know, if she leaves what she's started I'm not sure I could keep from forcing her to keep going.  
  
But she keeps going, and she's taken what I said to heart and I'm sliding even deeper past those tiny lips. Whatever it is about Slayer, but they can handle anything that they put their minds to.  
  
And I've shut my eyes out of pure bliss. Her tongue is playing along the bottom of my cock as she take me in and out. Hands lightly playing with my balls, tiny touches like she's nervous bout what she's doing. But all that heat, I've never been this close without coming yet and it's because I'm holding out. Don't live as long as I do without learning how not to come, and it's times like these where you know if you do hit it you'll lose the bliss.  
  
Don't know if I'll have this kind of physical pleasure again.  
  
Then again, with her having run away to me and her being feeling only safe in my arms. . . maybe my bloody fantasies can come true.  
  
And it's that thought that sends me over the edge.  
  
I had thought maybe spilling my seed down her throat would be to much and I could pull back before I climaxed. But it came to fast and it was to bloody fantastic for me to even think straight. I can't see the pleasure is so strong and I only faintly realize that she's drinking down what I've spilled out.  
  
Once I come down from the high, which is a bloody shame really, I collapse on the floor across from a panting Slayer.  
  
"That was bloody fantastic Slayer." I breath out, my cock still half hard and my body brimming with need.  
  
She smiles seductively and wipes away a drop of my cum that was still on her lips.  
  
God I could spill my seed again just seeing that, such a bleeding fantastic sight.  
  
Next what she does is she crawls over to me and sets herself in my lap. She's straddling me fine and my erection props up again right at her ass. Doesn't mind though as she takes a hand and runs it over my chin. Nothing on her face, but I can read it all in her eyes.  
  
She wants this, she likes this.  
  
And with that understanding between us, she takes me into a searing kiss that's even more intense then anything else. It's her giving up her old life and embracing this, taking me in. Maybe it's that dead poet in me, but she tastes like honey and vanilla and her body feels like pillows and feathers.  
  
Maybe this vampire will have a chance to be happy after all.  
  
Maybe I'll be able to make her happy.  
  
A/N I'll have you know, I was sick with an extensive case of phenomena, yeah. . . so it made writing this kind of hard. 


	14. Riley

A/N This chapter is dedicated to TheChosen, thank you so much for the constant encouragement and keeping me going with this story. Happy Birthday!  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
She's gone  
  
I awoke to find the bed empty next to me, sun hitting the sheets where she should of been sleeping. Frantic at first, I threw the covers off the bed, scanning the room with confusion. I scrambled to put on the pair of discarded boxers and check the bathroom.  
  
I checked every room.  
  
She's gone, and it's not just a trip to the grocery store, her things are gone.  
  
I sighed and fell into a chair. She must have left right after I fell asleep and slipped out unnoticed by even the creatures of the night.  
  
And the one thing dominating my thoughts are the last words she said to me. Was it a lie? Did she just lull me into a false sense of security so it would hurt more?  
  
No, no, no, no. Buffy isn't like that. She wouldn't purposely break my heart and then scatter the pieces so I don't have a hope of pulling myself back together.  
  
That, and I've never known her to say something she didn't mean.  
  
So let's say she does love me.  
  
Doesn't explain to me where she is. Why she would leave. How come I woke up alone.  
  
The night after she accepted my proposal we were laying in bed but neither of us felt the need for sleep. It would be dawn soon anyway and we had nothing planned for the upcoming day but staying right where we were.  
  
We had rolled off each other moments before and had stayed silent waiting for our labored breath to become normal again. I stroked her hair while her head rested on my chest, eyes part way closed.  
  
"Riley." She whispered, rolling her head so that she could meet my gaze. "Promise me you'll never let me wake up alone."  
  
The comment surprised me at first and then I pulled the pieces together. After her first time, Angel had left not only the bed but this plane of existence, and that dick Parker simply ignored her afterwards.  
  
"I promise." I told her and placed a light kiss on the top of her head. She smiled and we both waited for the sun to rise.  
  
So it's funny that now, a few months later, she's gone. I would never use the word hypocrite to describe Buffy, but now I can't think of any other adjective.  
  
I keep telling myself there's an explanation for all of this, but I can't think of a single thing that doesn't keep my chest from tightening up in pain.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
I finally left the house later that day, but not before the sun had started it's descent. I had no where to go and it was to early to search the cemetery for demons. My feet took me there anyway and I watched as the sun glinted off the tombstones and the soft breeze blew through the tall oaks.  
  
What I should have been doing was calling the gang together and trying to find Buffy. But it would be useless until Willow and Tara got back to cast a locator spell. For now I could stand in the false safety of a graveyard while the sun died above me.  
  
For now I could try to forget how I felt like I was choking on loss.  
  
Feeling the need to move, I walked the familiar path to Spikes crypt. There was always the outside chance he knew something. At this point, even the color of the shirt she was wearing before she left would help.  
  
I pushed the large stone door open and let myself in. Sun streamed through as I left the entrance ajar. If the vampire was irritated with the lighting change in the front room, well, he would have to just live with it. As I walk in, scanning the cobwebs and dust that scatter the stone walls, I wonder if it'll hurt him that she's gone.  
  
He's made it clear countless times that he's obsessed with her. He cried when Dawn died and Tara even told me once that after a particularly bad fight between me and Buffy, she saw him comforting her. Not sure if I believe that though.  
  
Do know for a fact that if it comes down to it, he'll help me track her down.  
  
I carefully pick my through the crypt and climb down to the lower level. It's then that I see that there's clothes strewn over the bed and on the floor. I walk over to the rusted and broken dresser to see that most of everything is gone.  
  
Setting my hands on my hips, I look around and my eyes find a silver necklace jeweled on the floor. It looks feminine, and it's definitely not something Spike would have. I quickly kneel down to where it is, and pick it up so the pendent dangles.  
  
It's a cross, it's a silver cross.  
  
It's Buffy's silver cross.  
  
I drop the necklace like it's burned me. Except the burn isn't from the chain, it's from my chest.  
  
Spike's gone. Buffy's gone.  
  
I'm a fool for not seeing it sooner. 


	15. Buffy

The sun is streaming in through the open blinds and I close them with not even a glance to the sun. LA must be going through a heat spell because it's been warm in the dark and the days sweltering. Last night I had opened the windows for hope of a breeze, whoever owns this place is to cheap for air conditioning. Spike had growled that I better close them before the day comes, and I shot back that he better stop telling me what to do.  
  
Later he told me to beg for him, and I did.  
  
Last night had definitely been one of the better ones. There's a part of him that must like the sex soft because unless I'm forceful with it, he's gentle with me.  
  
If I wanted gentle, I would have stayed with Riley.  
  
We had gotten into an argument before the sun had even disappeared beneath the horizon. He had ridiculed me about my fashion sense, saying I needed more leather and less cotton. I asked what a vampire from the Victorian era knew of today's clothing and he said more then I did.  
  
This coming from a guy that has nothing outside the color palate other then black.  
  
We went patrolling that night, first time since he brought me here. It felt like the entire night was mine alone, haven't had that elation like feeling for longer then I would like. It's finally come to be that the Slayer and Buffy have one in the same life. Now I'm only trading predatory demons for a neutered one. Well, that's not all together true, Spike does a well enough job of torturing me in ways the chip doesn't recognize. But that didn't become an issue until later, for now the cemetery was mine. None of the vampires knew who I was, had no idea until they met my eyes as they dusted. One of them knew Spike, not about the chip though. The demon thought Spike had come back to take over again, do what he couldn't in Sunnydale, seems that story got around just fine.  
  
I laughed as Spike subjected himself to the fledglings ramble, that is, until he mentioned Angel.  
  
"Your grandsire is hunting us now." The vampire had said in a hushed tone. "Taking down the demon world and doing a hell of a job at it. Now that your back in the mix, we can kill the traitor." He smiled, fangs glinting in pale moon light. I stopped my giggling at the sound of Angel's name, and Spike noticed. "William the Bloody's on our side." The vampire continued proudly, but as he finished Spike shoved him up against a crypt wall and cleanly staked him.  
  
The darkness which had seemed so inviting before was now closing in and all I wanted was to escape back toward the light. I hadn't thought of Angel, hadn't let that thought creep in. It hurts to admit, but it's more painful to think of Angel then of Riley.  
  
Hell, I've come to the point where I can think of my husband without flinching.  
  
And it scares me.  
  
I move away from the blinds and back toward the bed where Spike still lays. I've never been one for sleep, but I guess for vampires it's a different story, they are nocturnal creatures after all. I crawl in with him anyway and pull a thin sheet to cover my nude body. Spike had noted last night that I look best bare and for that reason I can't bring myself to dress.  
  
The room is lighted by fragments of the sun and I close my eyes as my head sinks into the pillow wondering what am I looking for. How can my disgust for Spike turn to wanting praise from him in just a few short years? Have I become so dependent on this demon. . . this thing that I can't function outside of his embrace.. . that I can't live a normal life?  
  
The thoughts scare me because I threw away my world to be with him. For some reason, I become frightened, so much that my breaths becomes short and my heart beats faster.  
  
As if on cue I feel a strong arm snake itself around my body to pull me closer. Soft kisses are pressed into my collarbone and shoulder. I reign in my fear and turn my head to meet him in a kiss.  
  
"Morning luv." He whispers, running his tongue over blunt teeth as if to recapture the moment.  
  
I force a smile. "Morning."  
  
The fact that I'm troubled is painted deeply in my eyes, and he knows it. He also knows better then to bring it up, it'll come to the light in due time, it always does.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
I was pleasantly surprised to find the refrigerator fully stocked with edible human food. I had half expected to have to run out to the grocery store, which was something I was not looking forward to. Instead I found an assortment of goods that would last me at least a week.  
  
For the first few days I only snacked on crackers and cheese, with the occasional yogurt or fruit. Tonight I was looking forward to actually making something of substance, so I pulled out mushrooms, ham, not so fresh lettuce and the rest of the ingredients for making a chef salad.  
  
Spikes watched TV on the couch while I threw the lettuce in a bowl and tossed in some tomatoes. I'm looking at the brand of salad dressing when he calls me over.  
  
"Yeah?" I ask, my eyes on the television to see that what he's watching. My Softmore college picture is on the channel 5 news and it takes me a moment before I can listen to what the reporter is saying as my hand grips the bottle of dressing.  
  
". . . Buffy Summers was said to have gone missing six days ago. Sunnydale police report that they have no sightings of her since the disappearance. However, there is reason to believe that she was abducted by a male friend who the family says has a history of violence. We have not been able to get a hold of a photo of the suspect kidnapper, but friends say he is 5'5, peroxide blonde hair and goes by the name of Spike. In other news, top analysts say that the Supermarket Strike may be going on for some time now as there have been no talks between the managers and the union. . ."  
  
I had to soften my grasp on the bottle, knowing that if I squeezed any harder it would have broken. There was silence aside from the mummer of the news which I couldn't even begin to comprehend.  
  
I should have known that my friends would look for me, that Riley would drive to the ends of the earth to find where I had gone. Filing a police report should have been something I expected.  
  
This was the second time today I found herself afraid of the consequences of my decision.  
  
Spike just sits there, eyes watching me as I move back to the kitchen to finish my salad. There's nothing I can do about it, I chose to leave and I can't go back. Some consequences you just can't face, going back to the life you left is one of them.  
  
I lay out a cucumber and pick up a knife, beginning to chop the vegetable into bite sized pieces.  
  
A voice nibbles on my thoughts that I have run before, and I have returned. After I killed Angel I disappeared, but I came back. I had something to come home to then, my mom, my friends, Giles and Dawn. I had school to finish and a hellmouth to protect.  
  
None of that exists anymore. Dawn and mom, my flesh and blood are gone, ashes in the dust of the earth. My father. . . well, Giles was my father in my eyes and he abandoned me in the wake of Dawns death. I still haven't forgiven him for that. Willow and Xander no longer have to look to me for a purpose in life. Willow has her magic and Xander has Anya.  
  
I know Spike is there before he wraps his arms around my torso and spoons his body against mine. Allowing myself to relax in his embrace and stop cutting.  
  
"Pet, you going to be ok?"  
  
My breath is shaky and I can't bring myself to say anything. My brain can't even function enough to think properly.  
  
"Pet?" He questions again and I can feel his cool breath on my neck.  
  
I take in a deep breath. "I'll be all right." I pick up the knife again and continue slicing the cucumber, waiting for him. Waiting for something, anything to break me out of this limbo of emotion. Instead I focus my attention on the blade sliding though the green skin of the vegetable.  
  
Chop. Chop. Chop.  
  
"Bird, there's no shame in this." As he speaks his hold becomes stronger.  
  
Chop. Chop. Chop.  
  
"They can't take you back if you don't want to go. Can't make you something your not, can they pet?"  
  
Chop. Chop. Chop.  
  
"Said it yourself, your not apart of that life anymore. Not the girl you once were."  
  
Chop. Chop. Chop.  
  
"You've changed Summers and I've watched it. Your primal now, a force that can't be tamed."  
  
Chop. Chop. Chop.  
  
"Well. . ." He trails, breath heavy on my skin. "Not by a human anyway, certainly not by that ponce of a husband. . ."  
  
Chop. Chop. Slice.  
  
The knife slid into my skin as I listened to his mummers. I yelped, drawing my forefinger up to watch the blood spill from the tip. Spike stopped talking and I hid a sigh of relief. I'm not sure how much longer I could listen to that. I wasn't sure if it was so outlandish that I only kept from hitting him out of curtsy, or that I was standing in shock because it was the pure truth.  
  
His arms unlace from my body and he comes around me to hold the finger in his hand. Before I can grab for a towel he brings me into a searing kiss, that for a moment, lets me forget about everything. I feel his lips leave mine and then transfer to the blood pouring from my finger. He sucks, cautiously at first but then harder as he searches for the blood underneath the skin. I'm reacting to it, my heart races against my chest and my skin breaks out in a cold sweat. Every nerve on my body is alert and I feel alive as he drinks the blood from me. I start to get wet from and I just can't find the power to push him away, no matter how embarrassed I am by it. Just as I think I might scream, he relents and removes his lips from my finger.  
  
His head draws back and I see that he's in game face. Yellow eyes narrow under heavy eyelids that seem to be in an induced state of pleasure. Mouth is part way open as though it would detract from the blissful state to close it. I watch in fascination as he morphs back to his human guise.  
  
"Were out of packaged blood." He notes casually and then stops to watch the reaction on my face, I'm not sure what's seen there. "Not going to match what I just had though, pity that." He says it like a compliment, but I'm to stunned to take it as one.  
  
I let him drank him from me.  
  
I swore I would never let anyone, anything drink from me.  
  
Angel was an exception, and even then that was an intimate experience.  
  
This was just. . . primal.  
  
"Can you get me a toothbrush?" I ask quickly to get my mind off of what just happened.  
  
He stares at me, bafflement in his eyes. "A toothbrush pet?"  
  
I shrug, I know I had packed the darn thing when I had pulled my stuff together, but somehow it had gotten lost anyway. "Could, you please?"  
  
He nods and leaves without another word.  
  
I'm grateful, because the moment the door shuts I can stop fighting the emotion and just cry it out. 


	16. Angel

A/N Just to clear up the timeline issue here, everything on AtS is the same. This takes place between Forgiven and The Price.  
  
Bear with me here, I've never actually done Angel POV before and it's a lot harder then I thought.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
The night is silent.  
  
Which is good, because I like it better this way.  
  
It's been long time since I've just walked the streets, searching for a fight. Since Cordy started with the visions. . . no, since Doyle came to me everything's been about the mission. I've forgotten what it's like to hunt down the taste of fear or spilled blood, to follow the shadows out of faith that they'll show the true darkness.  
  
Didn't realize how much I've missed it.  
  
The idea is to devote myself entirely to the hunt, but I can't keep my mind from wandering. Over 300 years of trying to forget and I can't even have a moment of blissful ignorance.  
  
Not that I deserve it anyway.  
  
My mind keeps drifting back to Holts. Angelus had taken the disappearance of the vampire hunter with apprehension. Probably been taken down by a fellow demon, or had fallen to a mortal death. Did keep an eye out for him years afterwards, always did want to feed from that bastard. The trouble he had caused me and mine, stalking us like he was the predator. . .  
  
Looking back on it, what I think drove him to destroy me - beyond the fact that I had slaughtered his family - was he was just a little bit to obsessed. Most people, mortals that is, have something to live for. Guess I killed off his lot in life because he devoted himself entirely to making my unlife hell.  
  
Shrugging off the thoughts I emerge from the shadows and enter the commercial area of LA. The lights and sounds are distracting, albeit irritating, but for now I'll deal. Always had been Darla's thing to pick off prey and feed from them in a crowded street. Thought it was funny how humans become mesmerized with their pocket watch and suddenly changed the direction in which they were headed. All so they didn't have to come to terms with the darkness surrounding them.  
  
My sire always did have a sick sense of humor, and I would of hated her for eternity if it hadn't been for what she left behind.  
  
Connor.  
  
Just the thought of the name forces me to stop and regain myself.  
  
Anything, I can think of anything but him.  
  
So my thoughts revert back to the thing I always try to keep away; Buffy.  
  
I haven't seen her since Dawns funeral, and I didn't bother joining her for the wedding. Maybe it's because it would hurt to much to see her happy. . . knowing she's found the embrace of someone else, the love of another man. . .  
  
I don't even like Riley, the boy is a wash out and wanna be. What Buffy sees in him I'll never know. As long as she's happy though. . . that's all I ever wanted for her.  
  
It's the reason I left.  
  
It's about time I give her a call, maybe even go down to Sunnydale and pay her a visit. Don't know what's there for me anymore, the women I love is with another man and the people I knew were never what I would consider friends.  
  
Way I hear it though, Spike has converted, working for the side of good. Even I can find the humor in that, considering it's because of a chip and lust for a Slayer he can never have.  
  
I may not be able to hold her, but at least I know she still cares. That she still loves me. I almost pity Spike, so damn obsessed with her it's almost human. And he'll never have her.  
  
Buffy can surprise me ten different ways to Sunday, but I know she'd never give into the vampire.  
  
With that thought I stop again, blinking. A man brushes past me, knocking my shoulder with his. I'd be bothered if I wasn't so stunned at the moment.  
  
Why on earth I'm a worried about Spike and Buffy?  
  
Shaking my head, I keep walking. I guess. . . in all honesty I worry because a human I can deal with. Riley, as much as he pretends to be more then he is, the boy is only mortal. Buffy. . . or the Slayer insides her, hungers for more then that. Buffy can keep her primal instincts under control, but still, she knows I can feed that hunger.  
  
She probably knows Spike can too.  
  
But I'm being paranoid, because I know that Buffy would never allow that with Spike.  
  
Besides, she's married now.  
  
Thing is now, I can't get Spike out of my head. I don't really care for my grandchilde, didn't even talk to him at the funeral. But we are related, born from the same blood and derived from the same line, I guess apart of me feels I should tell him about Darla's death, and about Connor. . .  
  
And here I am, thinking about Connor again.  
  
I turn my head up toward the sky and notice there's no moon out tonight. The sky is cast in hazy fog that obscures the stars and morphs the azure night to a gray palate. I have to stop thinking.  
  
300 years of brooding, I'm sick of it.  
  
I need a fight, I need to kill something.  
  
Suddenly, I feel something in the air and I quickly move forward, pushing through the crowded streets. It's as if the Powers That Be are finally granting me a scrap of kindness, blessing me with something, even if it is only a demon to kill.  
  
It's hard to make out the scent through the humans around me, but I finally pick it up in a convenience store. I push open the doors and step in, scanning the small area.  
  
It's quite, near empty and I don't see a single demon.  
  
I walk further in and sniff the air. The scent is familiar, something. . . or someone I know. That's not a good thought because that means the demon is something I don't want to kill, or something I can't.  
  
Slowly, I peek through each aisle, tensing up for whatever I find.  
  
What I do find completely floors me.  
  
Standing in the toiletries aisle and examining a toothbrush is Spike.  
  
I can't help but stare and gawk at the peroxide blonde in that damn duster he always wears, reading over a toothbrush box. I'm only stunned for so long before I become pissed however and remember I don't like Spike, especially a Spike that's in my town.  
  
He must of felt something because he turns and stares right back at me. A look of confusion washes over his face and quickly melts to amusement.  
  
I swear, my line has the most insane sense of humor. Just look at Dru.  
  
I don't say anything, the tension in the air does all the talking. He knows if he makes any sudden movements I'll tear his head off, soul or no, he's still a demon.  
  
He gives me a grin before walking toward me, I clench my fists for the an anticipated fight, but he just pushes past me toward the cash register. I stand still for a moment before turning around and watch as he pays for the toothbrush. He sends me one last glance before disappearing out the door. His eyes are filled with interest, I just glare back.  
  
Any notion I had of telling Spike the loss our family has suffered is gone. It's funny how easily you forget how much you hate some people until you see them again. The only thing I wonder is what he's doing out of Sunnydale, probably was kicked out by Buffy, or just decided to leave. Would be the first smart thing he's ever done.  
  
Still doesn't explain what he's doing with a toothbrush. 


	17. Spike

She's not screaming.  
  
I like it when my women scream, helps me to know if I'm doing right by her. But all she lets escape is a bloody moan when I apply pressure to her clit. Maybe if I. . . there, just had to stick a finger up her arse and she yelps.  
  
Kinky bitch.  
  
"Don't do that-" She gasps, but I shut her up by sliding a finger into her slick passage. She's withering under me like she can't get enough of it.  
  
"Couldn't do right by you." I breath heavily. Her body is slick with a thin sheet of sweat, locks of blonde hair splayed messily over a white mattress. Even if she isn't vocal about it, her eyes screwed up in the way they are tells me more then anything that she's enjoying this. "Not the soldier boy or the poofter, they couldn't give you what you need." I suck at her breast and she mewls as my tongue laps at her nipple.  
  
Love that sound I do. Like she's helpless for me.  
  
"Not like I can pet." I continue and rise up above her to look into her eyes. They open slowly and she meets my gaze right on. It's empty. Emerald ice they are, staring right up at me. Look like they're expecting something they do, could be death or pleasure, can't decide.  
  
I bury my mouth in her neck and suck at the skin until I know it's sore, know that I'll leave a mark. Moving toward the collar bone I'm careful to pepper kisses across her chest. She doesn't like it all much, wants it hard and rough.  
  
Wants to feel anything but love.  
  
She turns her head sideways out of impatience and her scar is exposed. Never quite fully healed that mark didn't, but I've still got my bite from Dru.  
  
I feel rage well up in me from the site and I growl low and deep. She likes that because suddenly her heart quickens and I can almost feel the blood running under all the soft skin of hers. I want so desperately to bury my fangs in her and mark her as my own. She'll always be the peaches with that scar, always belong to him.  
  
And I know she'll always want to.  
  
Images of my grandsire appear in my mind. Not the encounter of earlier today but a portrait of when we used roam Europe together. Bastard he was and I envied him for it. Always knew how to make me want to turn to game face and break his spine. Wouldn't be able to, mind ya, but it didn't stop the want of it all.  
  
But then he had to go and get the bloody soul. Abandon us and all. Couldn't believe it when I saw him with the Slayer, the two of them all over each other. Like horny teenagers they were. . . well I guess Buffy had an excuse, being at the age and all. But peaches was at least 240 at that time. Made me want to vomit it did.  
  
And then when he slept with her, took her virginity away like he took her love. Couldn't believe he would sleep with a human, let alone with the Slayer!  
  
I understand now I do though, can't get enough of the girl, but then. . .  
  
Not having the patience to wait anymore I spill out of my jeans which had become to tight for my liking and plunge into her heat. Her cunt is like heaven around my dick and I let out another low growl. . .  
  
Angel might have had her first but I've got her now.  
  
If that sorry ass excuse for a sire even thinks of taking her away from me I'll rip his bloody throat out. Make him wish he'd never crossed old Spike. . .  
  
Nothings going to take the Slayer away from me now that I've got her. Not the poofter, not her friends and certainty not that pansy of a husband.  
  
Finally got what I want, and I'm not one to give up easily. 


	18. Angel

I reach The Hyperion just as the sun breaks over the horizon. Gunn acknowledges me with a nod as I step in. He's cleaning an already polished blade and it looks as though he's been at it for hours.  
  
"Quite night." He says when I pass him by to check the mail on the desk.  
  
I sort though the papers and nearly throw out the water bill along with some advertisements. "What? Oh yeah." My eyes flicker toward him while putting the mail back into a pile that Cordy would be proud of.  
  
"Where were you?" His tone is almost accusing.  
  
I go around to the bar refrigerator and take out a cup of pigs blood. I raise the thick liquid to my lips and taste it before answering. "Out."  
  
His eyes flash toward the dawn that has already settled across the sky. "Out doing what exactly?" He wasn't satisfied with my non answer.  
  
"I met up with something." I half lie to him.  
  
He seems to light up at that and places the weapon down as he walks over to the desk. Leaning his elbows on the granite he meets my eyes with a wicked smile. "We up for a fight then later?"  
  
I shake my head and drain the rest of my cup, diverting my attention from Gunn. He's a good warrior, and he's saved my ass a few times, but sometimes I worry his thirst for battle is a little to strong. Then again, he grew up with a fight or die attitude. So you can't really blame the guy.  
  
He shrugs and I catch the sigh that escapes his lips. His eyes glance around the hotel idly as if with the birth of the sun he's lost where he was going. I'm about to suggest he go find Fred when I hear her come in.  
  
"Angel." Her voice is meek and I divert my attention toward her slim frame that is standing at the bottom of the steps. She curls a bronze lock of hair around her finger. "There's something on the news you better see." I glance at Gunn but he only shrugs. He follows me as Fred leads us up to her room.  
  
"I was just watching the news." Her words seem to stumble over each other as she speaks. "You know, for anything out of the ordinary and such. I didn't realize it at first, I mean, you told me about her but I didn't know that it was her. I didn't want to worry you. . ."  
  
I understand another through her babble who she's referring to. Pushing my way ahead of her I run to her room to see a photo of Buffy on the television. Her hair is straightened, barely brushing her shoulders. Her lips are curled in a soft smile that causes her emerald eyes to look bright.  
  
"She disappeared." Fred says after a pause. "There wasn't a note. . . but they think it has something to do with a friend of hers. . . Spike."  
  
Her voice is small, as though she expects me to lash out at her for this. But my rage is directed at my unruly child.  
  
Thoughts race through my mind and I can't even concentrate enough to respond or move for that matter. What has he done to her?  
  
Images of Buffy chained up and beaten while Spike runs his fingertips along her skin, whispering into her ear about what he'll do to her cloud my mind. I can see him bruising her, touching her, taking her. . .  
  
A low growl erupts in my throat and I shove Gunn out of the doorway. His startled gaze watches me as I head way to the weapons rack.  
  
"You going to go find her?" He asks as I select a broad sword that shines in the lamp light.  
  
Fred stands nervously beside him and I glance at them with contempt that is meant for a blonde vampire. "Just a matter of tracking the scent." I murmur to myself as my eyes run over the blade.  
  
I'll kill Spike if I find he's hurt her. Send him to his own bloody hell.  
  
And it occurs to me as I walk out of the door, coat swirling behind me that even if she is in need of saving and I rescue her, it's not like I'll be able to keep her.  
  
I'll have to hand her back to her husband, to Riley. 


End file.
